Pope Vincent I

Fr. Twomey has been very quiet of late. I had almost come to the conclusion that he had finally thrown in the towel. And then it struck me. It all came together.

Pope Benedict XVI's resignation is part of a planned two-step. He is deftly handing over the baton to his former pupil and greatest fan, Fr. Vincent.

I should have seen it coming. Fr. Vincent was not made a bishop so he remained untainted by the current whiff of sulphur surrounding the hierarchy. He was not made Nuncio. That was given to Ratzinger's Rottweiler, Charlie Brown, who would continue to be around to whip the Irish church into shape at the coalface.

He has been held in waiting, all this while, to be produced like a rabbit out of the hat when the conclave finally hangs.

All those qualities that I had listed as qualifying him for the lesser offices. I should have seen it. They all add up to one big thing - papabile.

Unfortunately I don't expect an invitation to the coronation. Burned my boats I have. Ah well.

Knock Knock Merrily on High

Our Lady of Knock has asked me to convey her best Christmas wishes to all my readers. She does not have a Blogger account of her own but she will be tweeting these good wishes directly to her followers, of whom there are precious few to date.

She also asked me to point out that she has been tweeting for much longer than the Pope, on whom she has been keeping an eye on behalf of her Son who is becoming increasingly perplexed by many of the actions of the Vatican of late.

Her Twitter account is @OurLadyofKnock. The Vicar is tweeting at @Pontifex but I'm not sure he has quite got the hang of Twitter yet. Tempus revelabit.

No Donkey for Blondie

Even the simple crib, a staple of the Christmas Season, is now being dragged into controversy.

If that's the case let me add my own wee bit of fuel to the flames.

You will note the cow, but not the donkey. Well the Pope has apparently conluded that there is no scriptural justification for the animals at the birth of Jesus. So, out with the animals. But, hang on a moment. Before we boot the cow out the door, let us consider the possible consequences. As all good children know, and as can be clearly seen from the Italian plaster cast statues of my youth, Mary does not have breasts. Perish the thought. So that's breastfeeding out. And do we really want Jesus to start life on baby formula? I thought not. So [Northern Unionist expletive deleted] we keep the cow.

My next comment concerns the child's parentage. Snide unbelievers have long mocked the idea of the Virgin Birth and have asserted that Joseph was the biological father. So why, in that case was the child born blond. This is not only a proof of the Virgin Birth, but it shows that the Holy Ghost is a blond, and that is surely good news for all those light hair ladies out there. Indeed, there has recently been speculation about the gender of the selfsame bird.

And if you are still reading this post

Have a Happy Christmas.

Round One

The Catholic Communications Office (CCO) made a formal complaint to RTE over a skit – broadcast on November 26 – which depicted a man spitting into a bucket before receiving Holy Communion. The CCO claimed it ridiculed "the reception of Holy Communion, the Eucharist, which is the Body of Christ".

The skit, in the Mario Rosenstock series, was having a go at the boxing fever sweeping the country in the wake of Katie Taylor's Olympic victory. The setting was the mass, everyone wore boxing gloves and the sign of peace was mimicking the way boxers touch gloves at the start of a bout.

Mario, in a style reminiscent of Fr. Trendy, is giving out communion, and the communicant first spits into a bucket before taking the host. And this is what the RCC is objecting to.

RTÉ have rejected the complaint and the next move is up to the RCC.

I really don't see how they can have their cake and eat it. If they really believe in the Real Presence, then surely it is a sign of respect and not the reverse to use the spitoon before receiving the body and blood of Christ.

Really.

I wonder do they do Fatwas these days as well as silencing and excommunicating the awkward squad. Only time will tell.

Meanwhile the Pope is due to start Tweeting on 12 December under the moniker @Pontifex and if you have any questions, like, for example, what is the Third Secret of Fatima, you can use the hashtag #askpontifex. And good luck to you.

If you can't wait until the 12th you can find out how to get the answer here.

Peter Rocks

In these difficult times when women are definitively barred from the priesthood for all time, I would like to offer this newly discovered picture of Peter reassuring the two Marys that this would not be the case and telling them to go forth and bear witness.

Can you really look these three disciples in the eye and say the Vatican is correct in its ban and neither of these two ladies merit ordination.

The location was one of the holy halls of the capital city and the period as recent as the beginning of the second Vatican Council.

The Holy Ghost haunts the oddest of places, does he not?

Prohibitus Loqui (in pectore)

Here's the deal.

Only the Pope knows; so the guy/gal ("dissident") carries on as before; the Pope knows, in his heart of hearts, that he's silenced him/her; so everyone is happy.

It is surely time to resurrect that fine Papal practice of doing things In Pectore now that we are back to the age of persecution, nihil obstat and imprimatur. The old system of censorship was very resource intensive with its huge Index Librorvm Prohibitorvm and all the clerks required to keep it up to date and everything.

The new old way would be better. Wouldn't cost a penny and would economise on scarce clerical resources ('scuse the pun) in these days of exponentially declining vocations and falling replacement ratios.

So what's with the picture, I hear you ask, as your febrile brain tries to make the connection? Well, I liked the tones in the painting; it is pertinent (and indeed, pert); and it is arguably less offensive than my original choice which was to put the Pope's head on a picture of the Sacred Heart. The logic would have been more apparent but the offence all the greater.

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Holy Orders

Check out the dialogue

The Full Story

Le Petit Prince et le Pape

Hover the cursor over the Little Prince to see what happens
when he questions the Pope's absolute authority.